Wednesday, January 30, 2008

On advice I don't take

My supervisor gave me excellent advice that I completely agree with. Did I follow it? Of course not.

Background info: yesterday we had a chat about submitting an abstract to a certain conference. I've been to the conference the last two years and enjoyed it. Member abstracts are lightly reviewed (97% accepted last year) and give you the opportunity to present a poster. Having just finished my Master's thesis, I've got some stuff I would be interested in presenting to this community. It is just in early phases, hence the abstract rather than a paper. Submitting would be a nice opportunity to test my ability to present my ideas independently of my supervisor (mind you, the thesis worked for that as well). It would be great to get feedback on the poster, possibly a good way to introduce some of our work to a related community. No reason not to, really. Of course, I put off asking him about it until two days before the submission deadline.

So his suggestion:
1. Get a good night's sleep.
2. First thing in the morning, think about what I want people to know about my idea.
3. Sit down and write it all in one go.

The reality:
1. Not a good sleep. I've had insomnia the last few days, and it's showing. So I didn't get to bed until quite late, slept in to compensate, and have had a faint headache all day.
2. I checked email first thing. This is deadly, and I know better. I have a few other minor deadlines in the next week, so part of my brain is constantly worrying about keeping up with those. It is an inefficient and frustrating state of mind, exacerbated by email.
3. I did brainstorm, but didn't immediately turn to writing. I sifted through other material, made myself some food, etc. etc. And now I've lost the momentum I know I had after the brainstorming, and still haven't written anything. I know why---I'm not confident that my ideas are compelling without years of research and experiments to back them up. With a 97% acceptance rate, what would it say if it was rejected? If it *isn't* rejected, then it becomes part of a public record and I'm not sure I will write it well enough. I know counters to these, and I tell myself them, but I still can't make myself write. Well, can't is not the right word. Will not, maybe.

Human nature is frustrating.